"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."
— Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and author
Most of us were never taught how to manage our emotions. School teaches us algebra, history and how to write a persuasive essay — but very little about what to do when we feel overwhelmed, angry, or completely shut down. That gap is significant. And it is not your fault.
The good news is that emotional regulation — the ability to understand, influence and work with your emotions — is not a fixed trait. It is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practised and improved over time. You do not need to be calm all the time. You do not need to suppress how you feel. You just need a few reliable tools to turn to when things get difficult.
This guide covers four of the most effective, evidence-based techniques for managing emotions. They are not magic fixes. They will not make hard feelings disappear. But they will give you more choice about how you respond — and that, over time, changes everything.
First: why do we struggle with emotions?
Emotions are biological signals — they evolved to help us survive. Fear alerts us to danger. Anger signals a boundary violation. Sadness marks loss and invites reflection. The problem is that our modern lives generate emotional signals far faster than our brains can process them.
When we feel overwhelmed, we often do one of three things: we explode (letting the emotion drive behaviour impulsively), we suppress (pushing it down and pretending it is not there), or we ruminate (getting stuck in a loop of anxious thoughts). None of these are particularly helpful in the long run — but they are all understandable responses when you do not have better options.
That is where emotional regulation tools come in. They are not about controlling emotions. They are about creating enough space to choose how you respond, rather than simply reacting.
Four techniques that actually work
1. Name it to tame it
Research by Dr Dan Siegel shows that simply labelling an emotion — 'I'm feeling anxious right now' — activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces the intensity of the feeling. You don't solve the emotion, you just acknowledge it. That alone can take the edge off.
2. Breathe before you react
When you're overwhelmed, your nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode. Slow, deliberate breathing — in for four counts, hold for four, out for four — activates the parasympathetic nervous system and brings you back to a calmer baseline. It takes under two minutes.
3. Write it down
Journalling is one of the most evidence-backed emotional regulation tools available. You don't need to write essays. Three sentences about what happened, how it made you feel and what you're going to do next can dramatically reduce emotional intensity and create mental clarity.
4. Move your body
Physical movement — even a 10-minute walk — releases endorphins and reduces cortisol. Exercise is not a cure for mental health difficulties, but it is a powerful regulator. When emotions feel stuck, getting your body moving often helps shift them.
What about when feelings become too much?
There is an important distinction between difficult emotions — which are a normal part of being human — and emotions that feel persistently unmanageable, interfere with daily life or are accompanied by thoughts of self-harm. If you are experiencing the latter, these tools are still useful, but they are not a substitute for professional support.
Speaking to a GP, school counsellor or trusted adult is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you know your own limits — which is itself an act of emotional intelligence.
If you need support right now
You do not have to manage this alone. These free, confidential services are available around the clock.
The bigger picture: emotional intelligence as a life skill
Managing emotions is not just about crisis moments. It is about the everyday moments — the frustration of a hard day, the anxiety before an exam, the sadness of a falling-out with a friend. Each time you respond thoughtfully rather than reactively, you are building the neural pathways that make emotional regulation easier over time.
Research from Harvard suggests that emotional intelligence is a stronger predictor of long-term life satisfaction than IQ. It shapes the quality of our relationships, our ability to handle stress and our capacity to pursue goals that actually matter to us.
You do not have to be perfect at this. Nobody is. The goal is simply to get a little better, a little more aware, a little more able to pause before you react. That is enough. That is, in fact, more than enough.